I sighed sitting at my desk listening to my mother yell downstairs to my father for not cleaning the house while she was gone. It’s very rare that they don’t fight.
I shook my light brown hair away from my face and grabbed my Number 2 pencil off my desk; I opened my journal and began to write.
Mother and father are arguing, as always. Nothing really happened today. ‘
I tapped the pencil on my chin thinking of what else to write.
‘Well, today my mother was talking to someone on the phone. She was telling someone about me, how I’m mute and never have spoken a word. I’m curious to who it was she telling this to. I can normally read people very well. I feel like she’s hiding something from me… ‘
I jumped slightly at the door opening and closed my journal quickly turning to face the door, my mother walked in, her sandy blonde hair hung down her back, she wore a pale blue worn out dress. She forced a smile on her face and sat on my bed looking at me. I stared at her waiting for her to speak. For what seemed like hours she finally opened her mouth. “Honey,” she paused for a moment and gave a breathy laugh. “Tyler,” she started again. “You’re father and I are worried about you, you spend all day locked inside, you don’t ever talk to us. I know your father is…well have anger problems, but we do love you…We. I mean, I read your journal. I did not like what I read. You have so much…” I stood up glaring at her. How could she!? Read my journal! That’s private!
You could always dispose of her… a voice inside my head said.
“Go away” I replied to him, this normal. Well normal for me anyways. I’ve had this voice inside my head since I was 10. I was at the park one day, it was summer. I was sitting on a swing alone, the heat of the sun was burning my skin but I didn’t move. There was 4 other people at the park, 3 were laughing and goofing off in the slide. The other was a dark haired boy; his skin was pale as if he’d never seen the sun. He sat on a tire swing, his black eyes staring at me. For the first time in my life, I was frightened. Not many things scare me, but the way he was looking at me. It was like he was planning to kill me…I looked away from him and saw the 3 boys walking towards me, one of them came up from behind me pushing me off the swing making me fall on the ground. ‘My turn." he said getting on the swing. I stood up brushing dirt off my pants and shirt, anger boiled up inside me. Kill himmm… A voice in my head said. I shook my head walking away. That’s when the voice thing came into my head. He tells me to kill everyone, and believe me sometimes I want to. But I’d never.
My mother stared to speak again. “You have so much anger towards us. And so many secrets. You’re gay? You hate me?” Of course I did. Haven’t I made that obvious? She and my father abuse me. “Also we don’t allow violence in the house.” I made a sound of disgust. What a lie. “We’re sending you to a hospital where they help children, like yourself, who have problems.” she said. I looked out my window, the sun was shining in, and I could hear the birds singing. Most people find that beautiful. I find it annoying, I just wanna blow those birds heads off. I heard my mother stand up and place a hand on my shoulder. “We’ll miss you, Tyler.” she whispered. I looked at her, her muddy brown eyes forcing fake tears to come out. She’d be happy to see me gone. I shook her hand off my shoulder. She sighed. “You leave tomorrow morning. Be all packed up by tonight.” and with that she walked out of my room.
Why didn’t you listen to me?? The voice inside my head said.
“Nothing would be solved.” I said back to him. My head became quiet. I pulled a suit case from under my bed and began packing my things.