after i left my job because of money , i get diploma in laser with very good grade . i decided to travel and find new life and people who can understand me also support me and i was still waiting something to change my life . i still alone in my life without any emotions after my dad dead .
i stayed in my home looking in internet about job in any country far .
suddenly i found company working in my field ( laser ) so i apply in it to accept me to get job in it , this company has branches in many countries so this was i looking for ward it .
i already applied and they reply about me that they accept me and they want me travel in the branch of it in iraq and i never mind about it so i accepted this job but when i told my mam that i want to travel to iraq for job , as usual she stand on my way and refused it also she more things to prevent my travel but i was want this because i want to anything any useful thing in my life which can make me real person in this life . i hate my mam because she could not understand me ever and only fight me every day i was sleeping cry from my eyes and my heart .
i callled the company and told them all things because i was need some body help me to do something in this time , the person who was talking with me from this company i felt something attract me for him because in someday when i absent from talking with company , he called me to tell me how are you ??. in this time i felt that there were somebody care me and ask about me so i felt that i need him sooo much , although that is on internet but i felt that he attracted me like alight in a dark of my heart .
when i was talk with him i feel that he was my heart he gave me kindness . in someday , he told me that he loves me and he wanna marry me and i accept this because this thing will be my britness in my life . all this in internet , and he was iraqi man and i'm egyptian girl .i told my mam that there were somebody want to come to egypt to marry me and i make him called my mam to told her this from himself , my mam as usual in the first , she accept and after this she started to fight me to refuse this so i felt that i'm comfused and i felt that all things in this life not for me any more but this time i keep my relationship with him and i wait him to come to egypt to marry me but the luck as usual not with me in every time he go to embessy of egypt in iraq to apply for visit egypt in three time they refuse him, so this time also the arab countries were cause my break in my life .
i don not know why all things not with me ? why all things i want not come to me ? i realise that life not wanna smile to me ever .
i still fight all things , fight my family , fight my country , fight the life to marry only man who can make me love , make smill at least one time in this life .
the days , months and years pass away and i still fight with my family to travel with him in any country and marry him , they fight with him alot of times and every day i was crying because i wanna to be with him only , i tried alot of times to kill my self .
my family cannot feel me ever and the man who i loved him started sometimes to fight with me because my family but i still love him and i wanna him more any thing in this life .
i was waiting him from 21 age to 27 age with fighting to be with him , i lost all things in my life for him all this on internet and in some day i decided to travel with him in turkey behind my family for two days and when i saw him i was flying in sky u cannot believe that was real or not . this was as a dream for 48 hours only but i felt that is whole my life , i love him more than myself
i was waiting him to tell stay with me but i feet that he was afraid from my family so he was not told me but in this time i could do all things for him because i love and he is only thing which i have .
i came back to my family who are not my real family , i hat them because they hurt me in my life and they stand on my road .
and they hurt my love also .
now i'm still waiting my man and my love who lost all my dreams for him because he is my dream and my family and my freind .
i still waiting him for 8 years , and have a big love in my heart for him . i'm not sure that he loves me as i love him or not but i want to do anything to be with him .
he begin to be not kind with me , when he promise me in thing , he do not cheive it but every time i forgive him because i can not live with out his voice in my life .
i do not know what will happen ? i do not know any thing ?
but i'm still waiting and still love him and still in my home , i refuse to go out my home , i have adepression , every day i cry .
every day i wanna die because nothing which i waiting in my life happened .